So you've been writing along, feeling the thrill of creating an awesome scene, and when you take a break to
re-read, the scene feels flat. Limp. But you're a pro, so you know this
is probably just because you're too close to it now, so you let it go
and decide to come back later. Maybe you keep writing, maybe you go read
a great book or do some research to reset your brain. But when you come
back, it still sounds lifeless. Whatever scene it is, it's one you need to really grip your
readers and land that blow, but it's just sitting there, and you know in
your gut you didn't deliver the punch you wanted to.
Don't ignore
that feeling. If you can sense that, you have fantastic instincts.
That's your writer's brain trying to get your attention, saying "Hey-
we've got a problem."
A flat scene is one that's not getting up
off the page. It's just sitting there. It's not alive, it's not
true-to-life in some element. We're seeing it through a character's
eyes, but somehow that character's experience isn't hitting us. And it
should be.
A character's experience breaks down into 5 separate things, and if the experience isn't translating to the reader, then you're almost certainly missing one of them. When your writing feels flat, chances are you're missing one or more of these five things.
Thought-
In 1st and 3rd person where we're very close to the character, a
character's thought is often also exposition. For punchy scenes, blend
them better. Use the character's voice to phrase things, don't use too
much exposition, use thoughts that heighten the tension. Make as much of
the exposition thought from the character as you can-- this tightens
the psychic distance (the distance from the readers to the character's
mind) and gets us right in the middle of things.
Action-
Usually this one isn't the culprit, but make sure things are happening. Make sure what your characters do scene by scene shows us their priorities and goals, and they aren't just "get me from A to B" actions. And if it's not a particularly active scene, don't let people just sit
there. Have them use actions and gestures that heighten tension and show
their emotional state. Grip things, rearrange things, pace, throw
things, etc. Reaction is a big part of action-- most of what we do on a
daily basis is reacting to something else, and reactions are powerful
things. Use your character's reactions to show how this is affecting
him/her.
Dialogue- Technically dialogue is an
action, but it's a distinct one that often either dominates a scene or
gets left out, so it's separate. Check to make sure you're not letting
it take over the scene; sometimes what's not said is more impacting. Let
us read between the lines. Make sure, too, that you actually do have
dialogue in there somewhere. People accuse, demand, and give ultimatums
through dialogue. Most escalation happens through dialogue, so make sure
that you have it, and that what you have contributes and is the best
way to show the detail. If the scene is mostly conversation, combine it with a more active scene so the conversation and the action happen together and you have a denser scene.
Sensation- We all know to
use the senses when we're writing, so bring us the action through
textures, instincts, sounds, detailed sights, scents (which often carry
memories), even taste. We can't sense something that your character
doesn't, so channel the sensations to us through him.
Emotion-
This one often gets the same treatment that dialogue does-- way too
much or none at all. The most impacting use of emotion is usually brief
and powerful. We don't need long, winding paragraphs that drown us in
grief or loneliness. By the time the reader finishes those, the action
has paused for so long we're looking around for something to happen and
we've lost interest. Basically, we don't care. Keep it brief, make it
deep, move on. But keep it going, too. Come back to how all these
actions and dialogue and sensations and thoughts are affecting your
character emotionally. We get worn thin. Old wounds get opened up. We
become desperate. Sometimes we've just had it. Keep the emotional
progression of your character advancing; don't let what they're feeling
sit there. Make it go somewhere.
If a scene feels flat, it's
almost always one of two things- 1) either you're showing, not telling
(a different post) or 2) one or more of the 5 things above is missing
from your scene. In all the pages I've seen come through slush or edited
or written, most often I see emotion and thought being the ones missing
or over/underdeveloped.
Check through your scene to see if you're
missing any of those. Use highlighters if you want, and color each one
of the five a different color in your scene. Or use colored pencils and underline them. See what dominates. See
what's missing or needs boosted. See if any moment carries more than
one.
An impacting scene is a dense chemical blend. Miss one
element, and it doesn't affect us like it should. That denseness is
important, too-- if you've got all of those things happening, it's a
lot, but it can't take forever on the page. Make sensations carry
thought. So, combine them. Make action show emotion. Use dialogue to
push the action. Get two or more from that list into each moment, and
you'll have something dense and impacting. Your scene won't be flat; it
will get up off the page and have a life of its own. We'll walk into it,
and you'll have created something we can live in, too.
That's good advice. Instead of asking the overwhelming question "What's wrong?" break down the possibilities and ask "Is the dialogue flat?" or "Is it unclear what the characters are thinking and feeling?" etc. I also definitely agree with listening to that inner voice; denial won't make your writing better!
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