Thursday, June 11, 2015

On Romance: Ten Personal Reflections

A really good way to kiss me is to come blasting through a glass window & then cradle my skull with your beautiful man hands, just FYI

1. There is nothing more obscene to me than the notion that with The Right Love, you will figure out your life and dreams and purpose. AS FUCKING IF. *laughs maniacally for ten hours*

2. Love is wonderful. But it certainly doesn't make the world less complicated and difficult. It just raises the stakes on your individual person. It's actually heart-wrenching, even at its best.

3. Neck-kissing is rampant in romance scenes. Currently, I do not get a lot of neck-kissing. I can't recall a lot of neck-kissing in my past, either. Maybe this is why I like reading about neck-kissing?

4. Displays of male jealousy on part of the hero when the heroine is being romantically pursued by other men make me sick. What jealous displays look like in reality is control & stalking.THIS IS NOT SEXY. Jealous men are generally very scary to me. They have no confidence despite their propensity for dominance, violence & conflict. A jealous man is a giant pain in your ass! Yet the jealous reaction is a staple in romance books and scenes.

5. Falling in love is very dramatic. Staying in love is less so. Maybe because staying in love is the work of a lifetime. This doesn't mean that life's work is not romantic. I like to read about highs and lows in long-term relationships. Expecting to maintain the level of drama found in the "falling in love" stage is unrealistic & sets people up for failure. But that is not to say that committed relationships don't have their moments of high romance and stomach flutter.

6. Speaking of "stomach flutter" - are authors referring to the contractions of the lower vagina, uterus & pelvic floor a woman experiences when she comes? Why is that happening when the heroine looks at the hero across a crowded ball room? Damn, that hero is good, if he can create that with a glance.

7. Romantic overtures as a fictional symbol of a character's depth and value ring false to me. A lot of the trappings of romance feel like manipulations and deceptions, especially on the part of the male hero. (For examples,see #8) I distrust them immensely and am then confused in fiction that rigs up that structure for me to prefer and set apart that character as "better."

8. Please don't ever quote poetry to me or sing me a song if you want to have sex with me. Same goes with packing a nice picnic, surprising me with junk like carriage rides in the park (the horses wear DIAPERS, hello), candlelit dinners, etc. Saying, "god I want to have sex with you/fuck you" is way more to the point and effective. It rings sincere, which is the greater turn-on. YMMV.

9.   For some reason, I find the vast layers of complicated dress present in Regency romance novels to be endlessly delightful. It sure makes the sex-having a much long journey than necessary, probably. Maybe that's the point? Love those pantalets & chemises & what not. Keep 'em coming.

10. Nothing to do with jewelry as gifts in romance novels appeals to me. I get what this is symbolically saying - "like this diamond necklace, you too, my Lady, are a treasure." But I hate jewelry, generally speaking, and the whole gesture seems to say an icky thing about the woman, e.g. she's a greedy show-offy grabby sort. Like someone who wears a Pandora bracelet ON PURPOSE. Gross.


  1. LOL these are awesome. And I totally agree on the jealousy thing. It's not at all sexy, and for some reason we think if the guy loves (or even likes) a girl, he's going to be possessive about it. Which is just a dangerous thing to be equating with love.

  2. :D
    A little jealousy can be cute, I think.Definitely not to go overboard.
    Neck kisses...I can't handle them! I start laughing (way too ticklish)
    Agree w number 1. If anything, it can at times complicate things, esp. when it comes to career paths and finding a place to live, etc., etc.
    Enjoyed the post!